Finally at Peace

Finally at Peace

I watched as you lay
Each day I'd pray

For God to keep you
But he knew

Each day you desired
But yet you were tired

I saw it in your eyes
Your sad little cries

As I laid with you
The time flew

It went to fast
And then you passed

My heart did break
For heaven's sake

You were my friend
Til the very end

But there's more you see
You were family

You stole my heart
From the very start

From a puppy to grown
You were just a loan

God saw you cease
Now you're finally at peace

Fly high Buddy
1/2/19

New Year

New Year

So here we go

Time for new

Same old flow

Or a new you

Seems every year

Let's get fit

Is all you hear

But then you sit

Organize you say

Its time to start

But I like it this way

So you just dart

What is it really about

Just another year

Is it something of doubt

Or something of

fear

I'd like to think

Instead of getting older

And making a stink

Lets be wiser and bolder

Say what you mean

Do what you say

Nothings left unseen

Day after day

Live for yourself

Find your peace

No feelings on a shelf

Or before they cease

Be the best you can be

Lend an ear

Shine for all to see

And have a good year

What About Me (children of heroin)

What About Me

What about me

Why can't you see

I should mean more

Just like before

You left me for drugs

And all those thugs

That don't care about you

Just what you do

My little heart breaks

For heavens sakes

My eyes cry

Why oh why

I just want my mom and dad

This makes me very sad

Instead of people I don't know

Why is this so

Please don't leave me

Please mommy

I just want you to love me

Please daddy

I want you to hold my hand

Why can't you understand

Why can't I be your drug

All I want is your hug

A kiss goodnight

To help me sleep tight

A bedtime story too

Will surely do

All I want is you

Nothing more will do

I just want you to see

What about me

Fighting The Fight

I'm fighting hard

I've played the card

I'm losing the fight

It just isn't right

Why can't she see

This is killing me

I do this every day

I know no other way

The tears I cry

The questions why

I want more 

but I'm losing the war

My body is wired

but I'm just tired

The battle wasn't won

and this is no fun

I close my eyes

I secretly hear her cries

I can't help her

My mind continues to stir

I'm fighting harder and faster

But shes lost to the master

Please God I pray

Often everyday

I'm fighting the fight

With all my might

I'm slowly drowning

and my head is pounding

Please take control

And free her soul

This fight I want to win

Please God make her whole again

Raising My Grandchildren

Let it be known that in today's society that many children are being raised by their grandparents.  How is this fair?  How are we suppose to enjoy our lives after we did our part to raise our own?

Let's face it, we are not as young as we once were and the thought of going through this whole process again scares the hell out of us.  I'm talking changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night, and chasing toddlers around. Come on, we already raised ours!!  Let's not forget that if the parents don't step up before to long, we are going to have to put them through school. REALLY?

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my grandchildren with all my heart. There is nothing I would not do for them but raising them takes on a whole new meaning.  What happened to let me spoil them and send them home?  Unfortunately, that doesn't exist anymore. The reason being that most parents today are losing their kids to abuse, neglect, or drug use.

Let's elaborate on the drug usage.  Far more children are being taken because of this reason.  The parents are so out of control that not only are their children suffering but their families as well.  I, myself, am living this nightmare.  I am raising my two grandsons due to drugs.   I have four children of my own, to which all but one are over the age of 18.  My grandsons are one and three.  It's like I'm starting over.  It's not the child's fault.  That I am very aware of  but how on earth can so many children be put out because of drugs? What in the world has happened to our society?

I would think that if I were to take a poll at this time,, thousands of grandparents would come forth and tell you the same story as mine.  My child is an addict and I am taking on their responsibility as a parent.  Not just their children but their financial part as well.  We have to play grandparent/parent.  It's not fair to the child or the grandparent.  Grandparents all across our great nation have had to change their whole lives to rear these children.  Most I'm sure have probably had to come out of retirement, take on part-time jobs and seek some sort of help to help with the aid of their grandchildren.

It's a very sad and cruel world that we live in.  To think being raised to grow up, get jobs, and raise a family and see that our children did the same is no longer an option.  Instead what we were taught, the family values, have all been thrown out the window into a world we no longer recognize.  A world so sadistic that one generation is being swallowed into it.  How unfortunate.

I sometimes feel so alone in this matter until I look around and realize that so many grandparents are going through the same thing.  I know this sounds bad but sitting in the court room and seeing others somehow makes me feel better. I shouldn't say better, I should say "joined in an unwanted situation" because even though we are not alone, we don't want to be here either.  The feelings that overtake you are phenomenal.  You are scared, anxious, nervous, bombarded, and just feel "dumped on".  To say anyone truly accepts this is an understatement.  We are a generation of freedom.  Free to travel and do whatever we want.  At least we thought.

Where is the justice in all this?  You can send them to rehab and recovery for their addictions but the damage has already been done.  The kids are tossed about like rag dolls and the grandparents are tossed in a sea of craziness. So even if, and only if, they recover and rebuild their lives can the damage start to heal and repair itself.  From what I have seen, it is very rare.   I would love for every child, parent, and grandparent to have their lives restored but let's face the facts, this can't happen to all of them because so many lives have already been lost. That my friends is the reality.

As I stated above, my daughter is an addict.  I am raising my grandchildren. This is not our first rodeo. She recovered, got an apartment, and a job,  only to reconnect with  the children's father (whom is also an addict) and together they let everything she worked so hard to achieve fly right out the window.  So here we go again.  At what point do we say enough already?  Like I said before, I love these boys and would give them the world but what part of my (our) world do get?

IF you are a grandparent and are raising your grandchildren, please know that you ARE NOT alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers that one day your lives (all included) will return to the normalcy that we once knew.

Raising My Grandchildren

Let it be known that in today's society that many children are being raised by their grandparents.  How is this fair?  How are we suppose to enjoy our lives after we did our part to raise our own?

Let's face it, we are not as young as we once were and the thought of going through this whole process again scares the hell out of us.  I'm talking changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night, and chasing toddlers around. Come on, we already raised ours!!  Let's not forget that if the parents don't step up before to long, we are going to have to put them through school. REALLY?

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my grandchildren with all my heart. There is nothing I would not do for them but raising them takes on a whole new meaning.  What happened to let me spoil them and send them home?  Unfortunately, that doesn't exist anymore. The reason being that most parents today are losing their kids to abuse, neglect, or drug use.

Let's elaborate on the drug usage.  Far more children are being taken because of this reason.  The parents are so out of control that not only are their children suffering but their families as well.  I, myself, am living this nightmare.  I am raising my two grandsons due to drugs.   I have four children of my own, to which all but one are over the age of 18.  My grandsons are one and three.  It's like I'm starting over.  It's not the child's fault.  That I am very aware of  but how on earth can so many children be put out because of drugs? What in the world has happened to our society?

I would think that if I were to take a poll at this time,, thousands of grandparents would come forth and tell you the same story as mine.  My child is an addict and I am taking on their responsibility as a parent.  Not just their children but their financial part as well.  We have to play grandparent/parent.  It's not fair to the child or the grandparent.  Grandparents all across our great nation have had to change their whole lives to rear these children.  Most I'm sure have probably had to come out of retirement, take on part-time jobs and seek some sort of help to help with the aid of their grandchildren.

It's a very sad and cruel world that we live in.  To think being raised to grow up, get jobs, and raise a family and see that our children did the same is no longer an option.  Instead what we were taught, the family values, have all been thrown out the window into a world we no longer recognize.  A world so sadistic that one generation is being swallowed into it.  How unfortunate.

I sometimes feel so alone in this matter until I look around and realize that so many grandparents are going through the same thing.  I know this sounds bad but sitting in the court room and seeing others somehow makes me feel better. I shouldn't say better, I should say "joined in an unwanted situation" because even though we are not alone, we don't want to be here either.  The feelings that overtake you are phenomenal.  You are scared, anxious, nervous, bombarded, and just feel "dumped on".  To say anyone truly accepts this is an understatement.  We are a generation of freedom.  Free to travel and do whatever we want.  At least we thought.

Where is the justice in all this?  You can send them to rehab and recovery for their addictions but the damage has already been done.  The kids are tossed about like rag dolls and the grandparents are tossed in a sea of craziness. So even if, and only if, they recover and rebuild their lives can the damage start to heal and repair itself.  From what I have seen, it is very rare.   I would love for every child, parent, and grandparent to have their lives restored but let's face the facts, this can't happen to all of them because so many lives have already been lost. That my friends is the reality.

As I stated above, my daughter is an addict.  I am raising my grandchildren. This is not our first rodeo. She recovered, got an apartment, and a job,  only to reconnect with  the children's father (whom is also an addict) and together they let everything she worked so hard to achieve fly right out the window.  So here we go again.  At what point do we say enough already?  Like I said before, I love these boys and would give them the world but what part of my (our) world do get?

IF you are a grandparent and are raising your grandchildren, please know that you ARE NOT alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers that one day your lives (all included) will return to the normalcy that we once knew.

 

Heroin Addicition

This is probably going to be one of the most important things I will ever write.  I am going to touch on a subject that is or has affected so many lives.  Not just the lives of the people that consume but the lives of the people that love and care for those that have afflicted themselves with this evil drug.
 First I must say that I by no means am I an expert nor do I claim to be.  I like so many others out there are not only learning day to day but experiencing this myself.  I am at a total loss as to why so many people, good decent people have chosen to give in to this epidemic.  To live their lives full of this madness that is sweeping our nation as a whole.
I have watched a very dear loved one go from healthy to down right sickly.  When I say sickly I mean a face that was sunken in, blotches all over, scars from picking, and even death.   I say death because in reality, she did die.  Not just in a physical state but a mental state as well. While I'm quite sure and understand exactly how Narcan works, it brought her back physically. Unfortunately, nothing can bring them back mentally.
This evil drug takes our loved ones into a world of it's own.  It consumes them like a fire consumes a log, burning rapidly out of control.  It takes them to depths you could never imagine. They do things that they may normally not do.  They steal, cheat, lie, and do whatever it takes to get that fix.  They don't care who they hurt in the process as long as they get what they need.
They don't see that their loved ones are suffering from their choices and nor do they care.  Their children, parents, and friends don't stand a chance.  You no longer matter.  Instead you get used and abused by them. You become a human punching bag, so to speak.  They hit you hard and low until you can't possibly take another hit.  They don't feel a .  NOTHING is as important to them but that next fix.
I have seen down right evil in the face of withdrawal.  Eyes that would laser through you and strike with just one look. Words of pure hatred spew out of the mouth that would have never spoken to you like that. Fists up and arms swinging to protect themselves from you getting in the way.  It's a very scary scene.  One I hope to never witness again.  All because the "high" was coming down and they had no way to get what they needed.
They scour the streets looking for anyone with anything.  They don't care that the dealers are putting other ingredients in the mix, they just want their drug.  Elephant tranquilizers are now in the mix and killing our loved ones faster than you could ever imagine. They don't care!  How sad.
This is just a part of this epidemic.  I haven't even touched on the emotional state of families and the babies being born addicted.  How children are left with no parents.  How grandparents are now raising their grandchildren.  How endless supplies of needles are being found for anyone to find.
Yes, I am dealing with an addicted loved one.  Everyday is hard. It brings endless supply of worry and stress.  I urge America to get involved and let's stop this.  For these dealers, it's all about money.  For us, it's about saving lives.  Unfortunately, they are winning.